.::-:The Den of the Last Angel:-::.

*sigh*

Still at camp. Uber-bored.

Everone else is busy playing JKA (which I just now realized is REALLY amusing to watch), so I'm basically alone in this sad, cold, dank computer room.

Well, not really.

It's kind of warm, everyone's happy, and it's really bright due to flourescent lighting.

If there are any typos, I'll correct them later when I'm not in a public area.

Okay, so my love life is almost as active as a hibernating animal.

If I don't get a BF by sumemr's end, then I decided to give up dating until I'm 16.  Well, I've already gotten one since I started the pact, but I decided recently to make it more specific and say that the relationship must last a minimum of 2 weeks. 

All of the guys here are ... well, they have at least some redeeming quality (some more than most) and they're almost ALL taken, ESPECIALLY all the one's I've been targeting as a potentiial "bf". 

It's really depressing two because they're all so nice and they all have such great senses of humor. 

basically, I'll just come out, be a bitch and say that it's not fair to me. 8 cute guys. One girl. No single guys. 

What kind of life is this?

Did I really deserve this sort of thing and if so,, I'll do almost anything to repent. Except maybe give up my sarcasm or most of my material objects. 

I'd even start TRYING to be nice to people I utterly despise.

But now, I'm starting to think that I shouldn't bother trying to 'repent' and change myself so that pther people will like me.  But it just doesn't seem like there are any guys who want someone like me.

If I had a religious bone in my body, I'd go run off and become a nun so then I wouldn't have to worry about this shit./ I could just run around in my black clothes and pray my life away.

But that's really not the life for me. 

I want to live as I am and be happy with myself as a normal person. Well, maybe not so normal. ;D

But if I go my whole life and take the role of the 'cute younger sister' of every guy, I may as well just kill myself.

It's not like I need a man in my life to keep moving forward, but I'm basically a failure at everything else and maybe if I could succeed at this ONE thing, I wouldn't feel so awful about myself or anything I do.

I feel depressed now and I should probably go change and brush my teeth. Oyasumi.

Today's poem

Btw, I have NEVER watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 days, so I have NO idea what I'm saying.
~~~~~~

How to lose a guy in 5 days
A tutorial by Saigo_Tenshi

Step one:

Pour your heart and soul into a relationship that will never go 
Further than if you tried to throw a 6 ton boulder.

Step two: 

Believe in the unreal. Breathe it in and it becomes your reality
Or so I believed.
but such was simple deceit.

Step three:

Throw away your pride
like a tattered rag doll
Like you're ready to 'grow up'
As if you know what 'grow up' means

Step four:

Ignore your friends' advice
Forget their wisest words
And enter a world
Where solitude and ecstasy merge
beneath a blanket of lies

Step five:

Let him control you
Use you and 
Dominate you
until his ex comes back

That is how to lose a guy in five days.

Haha. My second relationship, down the drain in less than five days. Aren't I sad?

LOL.

I probably should be upset and crying, but somehow, I'm not all that depressed about it.

But I guess if I'm this levelheaded about it, it wasn't a good fit, right?

Anyway, I was kind of expecting after I heard that he was using me to make his ex jealous.

I'm okay with it, but if I see them together, I'll rip off that ugly bleach blonde hair out of her scalp in clumps and cram them down his throat.

I'm not going to let someone use me without painfully severe punishment.

I seriously need to stop listening to Kelly Clarkson.

"Never Again" is permanently burned into my brain in the most painful aspect. It always has to relate to me right after I have some sort of relationship crash... It's really depressing.

On a lighter note, I feel like taking a bath with rose petals, like Nana Ep. 22 (I think). Too bad I don't have a Ren, Nobu, Shin or Yasu on hand. That'd make it a bit better. Lol. *depressed*

-.-'l| <-- I made this one up. I think it's original, ne? Because I haven't seen it anywhere else. It's cute. It has the little dread lines!

I need to get more sleep, so I think I might take a nap soon, even though I have to have the last four stanzas of the Raven memorized by tomorrow.

Wow.

I just cried for two hours over the guy I was so madly in love with less than 8 hours ago.

I heard that he's using me to make his ex jealous.

I'm not even sure if it's true but I was just so angry and upset at him because knowing him as a close friend, I wouldn't be surprised if he did that to me.

I feel so fucking stupid. I just... Like...  I got really depressed and considered dying.

But he's so not worth it.

As said in Kamikaze girls, become twice as strong as the tears you've shed. And I will

The best part is, I have the coolest friends. Colton and Elijah. We're gonna go hang out to get over our sorrows and broken hearts. Like a girls' day out, except I'm the only girl there! It's so sweet! I can't wait.

Another poem inspired by my Hopeless romantic side. -_-; I really am hopeless. It's about a certain someone I like(d) who knows who I am, but still refuses to notice me or just doesn't by habit no matter how hard I try...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A rose only lives as long as its stem is unsevered
So why haven't you cut the ties between us?
Why don't you just kill off my last ounce of hope
To spare me some suffering?

Even if you feel my sorrow, you'll never notice the pain
You can't share the emotions of someone who you see right through
The invisibility of my face clouds the joy in your life
The strength of your prescence in my life is the eclipse to my sun

"Please, don't forget me." I whispered as you walked away from me
And yet I'm still here all alone
Not even a fragment of a memory
My importance is as limited as your capacity for love

No one sees this side of me
Not even you
These words drawn from a broken well deep inside my chest
You'd never guess they came from my lips

These unkissed virgin lips await a taste of the future that's to become of me
This heart that's shared no love desires the warmth of a beautiful fantasy
to keep it company in its darkness

I reach for your hand but I feel only air
I've missed you by a longshot since I've blinked
And now you're so far away

The thorns of roses, tiny razors
Cutting through the soft flesh cage I'm in
Take me away to oblivion
So you won't have to hear me screaming for you